Detoxifying Relationships
Maintaining a healthy intimate relationship is essential for our well-being. Unfortunately, the COVID-19 pandemic has significantly impacted many couples.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Destun from Old North Psychology in London, Ontario, explains that “Couples have lost access to activities we once regarded as normal, such as dining out or traveling, which provided essential moments to unwind and reconnect with one another.”
The introduction of shared workspaces, financial stress, and the need for home-schooling can create a perfect storm for boredom, frustration, and relationship conflicts. In more severe situations, these tensions may culminate in separations. Legal professionals across Canada and the U.S. anticipate that divorce rates could exceed national averages following this challenging year.
Managing Relationship Strain
The additional stresses of the pandemic can push individuals to either withdraw or lash out at their partners, which inevitably detracts from relational quality. It is crucial for couples to regularly assess the state of their relationship and their own emotional health before reaching a breaking point.
Assess Your Relationship
Just as regular maintenance is vital for a vehicle, it’s important to routinely evaluate the health of your relationship. Destun suggests checking in on various aspects—such as intimacy, communication, division of household duties, quality time spent together, and financial matters.
Have a Personal Check-In
While it’s easy to direct focus on how partners can improve, Destun advises individuals to reflect on their own contributions to the relationship. She states, “This approach can be empowering, especially amid COVID-19, when much seems beyond our control.”
Prioritize Self-Care
Destun notes that before COVID, most people enjoyed more personal time—whether during commutes, gym visits, or casual workplace interactions. She emphasizes that we often overlook how significant alone time contributes to our emotional well-being. Therefore, finding creative ways to recharge, even in the absence of traditional outlets, is essential.
Focus on the Essentials
Keep an eye on three key areas:
- Nutritious diet
- Regular physical activity
- Sufficient sleep (seven to nine hours nightly)
These factors greatly influence our mood and ability to remain composed, making coexistence much more manageable!
Reconnect Gradually
Fortunately, revitalizing a relationship doesn’t necessitate lavish dinners or extravagant vacations. Researchers from Penn State University have discovered that small gestures—like holding hands and consistent kindness—are among the most significant ways couples express affection. Below are some straightforward techniques to refresh your partnership.
Make Quality Time a Priority
Many partners find themselves so entrenched in daily routines that they neglect deeper conversations beyond logistics. Destun recommends having a dedicated daily check-in time without screens or children to foster connection, such as over morning coffee or during an evening walk.
Commit to Daily Connection
Set aside at least 15 minutes each day for meaningful interaction, ensuring it’s a time for laughter, sharing grievances, or just checking in—not for addressing conflicts. Make sure to listen actively and alternate asking significant questions.
Encourage Affection
Research highlights the numerous benefits of affectionate touch between partners, which can elevate levels of oxytocin—the so-called “love hormone”—and lower cortisol, a stress hormone. The advantages of physical affection extend beyond the physical realm, providing emotional benefits, such as increased feelings of security and positivity within the relationship.
The Six-Second Kiss Approach
Relationship authority Dr. John Gottman famously advises couples to incorporate a “six-second kiss” into their daily routines. This more intentional kiss, as opposed to a casual peck, helps partners be present with one another in a loving manner.
Explore New Experiences
Engaging in novel activities stimulates the brain’s reward system, releasing dopamine—a feel-good neurotransmitter often associated with early romantic feelings. Therefore, when partners try a new sport together or learn a new language, they rekindle those initial feelings of excitement and enjoyment in their relationship.
Get Outside
Embarking on a hike or starting a garden can enhance your bond while being an ideal way to connect during the pandemic. Nature is healing and plays a vital role in both physical and emotional health.
Consider Professional Help
Destun suggests that couples should contemplate seeking therapy if disagreements frequently turn unproductive, especially if arguments escalate without resolution. She notes that therapy can also support partners who feel disconnected from each other, emphasizing the therapeutic space to cultivate a deeper connection.
Act on It Early
Engaging in therapy before reaching a breaking point can help address issues before they grow. Discuss what matters to each partner regarding therapy and prioritize finding a therapist both can relate to. If one partner is less enthusiastic about therapy, a skilled practitioner can facilitate their involvement.
Ways to Enhance Libido Naturally
Research suggests that couples who feel satisfied with their intimate life also tend to be happier in their relationship. Those looking to ignite their desire can explore several strategies.
Mindfulness Techniques
Clinical psychologist Lori Brotto discusses how practicing mindfulness can significantly enhance sexual desire, arousal, and satisfaction in her book Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire (Greystone Books, 2018).
Utilizing Herbal Aphrodisiacs
A 2015 review revealed that ingredients like maca, tribulus, ginkgo, and ginseng might enhance sexual desire, satisfaction, and overall function. Evidence also points to fenugreek seeds as a potential libido booster for both men and women.
Healthy Disagreements
It’s a common myth that happy couples don’t disagree. In reality, productive arguments can strengthen relationships. Here are strategies for constructive conflict resolution:
Empathic Listening
Maintaining empathy in conflict can be challenging but is fundamental to effective communication. Instead of dismissing your partner’s feelings with comments like “It could be worse!” or becoming defensive (“Why blame me?”), strive to listen without judgment and acknowledge their feelings.
Openly Share Feelings
Expressing emotions honestly fosters a deeper connection. Use “I” statements to communicate your feelings (“I feel hurt when …”) rather than blaming phrases (“You never pay attention to me!”).
Monitor Body Language
Adopt a calm tone of voice, avoiding negative body language such as eye-rolling or crossing arms.
Take Breaks
If emotions escalate, take a brief pause of at least 20 minutes to regain perspective. Engage in unrelated activities, such as cleaning or taking a walk, instead of dwelling on the argument.
Assume Positive Intent
Approach conversations with the mindset of being a united team. Respond positively to your partner’s efforts at connection, whether it’s sharing a joke or reaching for a hand.
