Children Build Communities
The saying goes that it takes a village to nurture a child. But what if we were to swap “village” for “community”? A cohesive community can instill a sense of belonging in our children, enhance their social and emotional development, and offer vital support throughout their growth. This can also contribute positively to society as a whole. As guardians and educators, we have the opportunity to help our children discover their communities and nurture these essential connections for the long haul.
The Importance of Belonging
What is the significance of community ties? According to Laura Henderson, a mother, teacher, and registered clinical counsellor, “They are essential for the growth of children. We all crave a sense of belonging and are not meant to navigate life in isolation.”
With her dual role as a private practice counsellor and a school counsellor for elementary students, Henderson emphasizes the critical nature of community. “Children exemplify the advantages of being part of a community,” she notes. “Witnessing their growth, enriched with knowledge, skills, and experiences is truly inspiring.”
Beyond fostering a sense of belonging and encouraging development, a supportive community can offer children:
- Trusted individuals to confide in during challenging times
- Access to a variety of resources and networks that may lead to future opportunities
- Valuable insights into diversity, cultural differences, and fresh perspectives
Reciprocal Benefits
Elaine Su, a multifaceted mother, educator, and advocate for equity and diversity, shares her insights on community value. As a first-generation Chinese-Canadian, she highlights how community shapes her cultural identity and her approach to parenting.
“You can’t sincerely care for others if you don’t care about them; it’s crucial that our children develop concern for the people in their surroundings, and vice versa,” Su states.
Thus, community not only helps children feel valued but also teaches them the importance of valuing others. “A community is something you derive benefits from while also giving back,” Su remarks. “I want children to grasp that everyone has both minor and major contributions to make in nurturing and sustaining the community.”
Effects of the Pandemic
Henderson observed that many youths faced challenges due to diminished social interactions during the pandemic. She noted a rise in stress, anxiety, and feelings of isolation among children and adolescents, with research confirming her insights.
Early findings from Canada during the pandemic revealed that 57% of teens aged 15 to 17 experienced a decline in mental health compared to the pre-pandemic era. Moreover, a 2022 international study highlighted that the pandemic intensified mental health issues like anxiety, stress, and loneliness in young people while emphasizing the importance of social ties in alleviating these conditions.
Cultivating Community
As social connections evolve over time, so too does a child’s community. For example, the community for a child aged four will differ significantly from that of a twelve-year-old.
For younger children, community may chiefly consist of family and caregivers, such as daycare or preschool staff. As they grow, their community expands to include familiar adults like neighbors, librarians, or postal workers, as well as their peers. Older children start to establish connections at school, in extracurricular activities, and possibly even in online spaces.
Henderson suggests that facilitating positive relationships for our children can often be accomplished by exemplifying healthy connections in our own lives. “Our children are observant and mimic our actions, including our interactions within the community—how we communicate with others, including our partners!” she mentions.
She advocates for teaching children vital communication skills, such as listening and articulating their needs.
Su demonstrates how even the youngest kids can contribute to community building. “It’s recognizing that sense of joy when you see a familiar dog to pet, or finding a particularly nice stick at the park and leaving it in the dog’s yard with a note. It’s an act of creating community.” Such small gestures can empower children by illustrating their growth and agency.
A Customized Approach
As caregivers, it is crucial to understand that each child is distinct, and therefore, their community will be as well. Henderson draws upon a metaphor by the esteemed psychologist Marsha Linehan, who suggests that trying to fit into a mold that doesn’t suit one’s nature is counterproductive; rather, it’s important to find the right “garden” that supports one’s individuality.
This means if your child is struggling to fit in, it may indicate they haven’t located their ideal community. Perhaps your child feels discontent on a soccer team but may thrive in a chess club or a musical theatre group.
“One common issue I encounter is pushing children toward connections that aren’t healthy for them,” Henderson notes. “We need to validate uniqueness and seek alternative social avenues that cater to our children’s strengths.”
While forming connections is essential, ensuring that these connections are healthy is equally vital. This involves teaching children how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries. Henderson provides several strategies:
Empower Autonomy
From an early age, encourage children to assert control over their bodies and relationships—never force them to give hugs they don’t want to.
Contextualize Actions
For example, clarify why it’s inappropriate to harm others or to touch someone against their wishes.
Recognize Their Feelings
Even difficult emotions warrant validation. Teach children that they can trust their instincts when something feels wrong, encouraging them to articulate those feelings.
Be a Role Model
Demonstrate healthy emotional expressions and boundaries in your daily interactions.
Clarify Limits
Explain the reasons and circumstances for boundary limits; for instance, convey why brushing teeth is necessary.
Can literature strengthen community bonds? Definitely, asserts teacher-librarian Elaine Su, who views books as “affirming, validating, and potentially life-changing.”
Citing prominent literature professor Dr. Rudine Sims Bishop, Su explains that books serve as mirrors (reflecting our realities), windows (offering glimpses into different worlds), and sliding doors (encouraging readers to empathize with others).
Su emphasizes the importance of children’s books that celebrate diversity through joyful narratives. “Such literature shapes children’s worldviews, enabling them to unlearn harmful biases instituted during their upbringing,” she adds.
In addition to providing literature, public libraries act as invaluable community spaces that offer safe havens and a wealth of resources and programs for people of all ages.
Digital connections can be enriching and fulfilling for youths; a child with a specific hobby might find joy in connecting with peers who share similar interests. The focus must be on maintaining safety when engaging online. Parents should remain involved by establishing guidelines, educating their children about privacy and media literacy, and implementing parental controls. More information can be obtained from resources like mediasmarts.ca and protectkidsonline.ca.
If you suspect your child or teenager is experiencing loneliness, Laura Henderson, a counsellor, notes that it can often be difficult for adults to recognize. Conversely, some caregivers may mistakenly assume a quiet or introverted child is lonely when that might not be the case. It’s essential to communicate with your child to determine their feelings.
If loneliness is present, Henderson advises “actively listening and acknowledging their feelings rather than providing a list of reasons they shouldn’t feel that way.”
Together, consider developing a feasible plan. “Don’t assure them they will find a new best friend overnight,” she cautions. “Think of it as a step-by-step process, much like a ladder.” Suggest discovering someone in their class to get to know better or identifying a common interest. “Then scaffold further steps.”
This also offers a wonderful occasion to strengthen your connections within the community.
- Enroll in a course or join a program at your local recreation or cultural center.
- Participate in community gatherings and celebrations.
- Attend city council meetings.
- Schedule a weekly coffee meet-up with friends.
- Have conversations with your neighbors.
- Volunteer for local nonprofit efforts.
Look for a counselor through your local clinical counseling association. Additionally, children and teens are encouraged to reach out to their school counselors directly.
